


We’ve Got Tonight

by The_Magic_Lava_Lamp



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: IT Chapter Two Spoilers, M/M, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), One Shot, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 07:09:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Lava_Lamp/pseuds/The_Magic_Lava_Lamp
Summary: He’d managed to keep the secret to himself and away from his friends. Nobody questioned the Bruce Springsteen poster he remembered adding to his bedroom shortly after the summer. He just loved music and good ol’ Springsteen….The Boss was an American symbol…and a better one than Goddamn apple pie.Inspired by this song: We’ve Got Tonight - Bob Seger





	We’ve Got Tonight

It was late. God, it was really late. 

Would the noise of his screeching wheels wake them up? Richie couldn’t really decide. His long ass legs were crunched up against the side of his car so he could rest his elbow on the door. He sported a bemused sort of grin but their was something disturbingly distorted about it. It was through no illusion or mind-game. Just the simple fact that in his anxiety, Richie was pressing his chin hard into his open palm and crumpling his skin. 

The car seats were leather, originally they’d been an old kind of fabric. But that had been because his entire vehicle was actually new and shiny. The fabric seating suited his old and dusty piece of shit car. There’d been quite a few stains here and there which was mostly from the fact that he’d taken the console extension outta that one...so no cup-holders. But bye-bye disgusting and long past fixable console. He used to be forced to hold his steaming coffee every morning on his way to work which was never a smooth event. But as lady luck would have it, before he could replace the damn thing, Richie got himself a steady gig with a good flow of money. So the whole damn car changed.

He got a little smug about it too. It would’ve been hard not to. Nothing felt better than driving it on a sunny day to a job where people seemed to appreciate him. He’d drum his hands all over the wheel to the Beach Boys and think about the jokes he was going to tell. Of course, ideally, the material would be his own but...you gotta do what you gotta do to earn the money, huh? So he put up with it. He was succeeding that way and who knew if people would think he was funny all on his own? Why else would it be suggested he read outta someone else’s joke book repertoire? ‘He was class clown funny, not household name...stand-up comic funny’. He never was gonna let that comment go, it seemed. He regurgitated it all the damn time to remind himself that’s what outsiders thought. 

The Loser’s laughed. In fact, Ol’ Beverly Marsh almost choked on her dinner when he’d managed an impression. Man, that had made him feel good and it only spurred him on. But no amount of laughter or fond memories could make him really want to stay and do what Mike was talkin’ about. It did not outweigh the kind of memories buried deep inside him that triggered that hot load of vomit after the phone-call. 

The kind of memories that he wanted to stay buried. Needed, even.

Mike had been right-which was nothing knew apparently. Richie sighed, pushing his head back into the seat. He wanted to drive away. Leave Derry in his dust just like he’d done so long ago. He wouldn’t mind the trip. He actually really enjoyed road-trips. Before he’d shot down the high-way to get back here, Richie had breakfast at some shitty little truck-stop diner place. The waitress had tried to talk him into an apple pie for dessert....‘you wont regret it’ she’d said with a wink. He denied the offer but she still came back with the plate. ‘On the house’. The napkin she’d served it on had her number smeared across the width in blue pen. 

He usually kept those kinds of things, just never did anything with em’. He’d kid himself by saying it was a cheap shot and not the kind of way he’d liked to be hit on. But maybe it was more about the kind of person. 

Who was he kidding? What a damn joke. The minute he set his eyes upon Eddie fucking Kaspbrak again....he was faced with that other buried piece of trauma. 

It was about the person and he didn’t even fucking like apple pie. Who really wants fruit in their dessert anyway?

Richie smacked his forehead against the steering wheel as if that might knock the memories outta his head. But they lingered there still. 

He’d been such a moron. Overcompensating with dirty jokes and ‘pulling his pigtails’ because how else would a clueless kid flirt with someone he barely even knew he was flirting with? Eddie would be none the wiser if Richie messed with him. He’d just roll his eyes and bicker with him...not guessing for a second that Richie was dying a little every-time Eddie touched him. 

But what was in the past was in the past, right? He had always craved attention and laughter, so he had just been confusing the joy he got from Eddie’s for a ‘crush’. Simple. 

But more and more memories came to him when he had hit Derry. Begging himself to stop noticing things about other boys while he tried to pick out a damn box from the cereal aisle like a normal kid. But the boy by the Kix had given him a friendly smile and Richie’s stomach had flipped. Enough so that he picked out a box of Kix which was dumb because that cereal was shit. Was not sugary enough for any kid’s taste. 

He could remember the early days of his crush now. Laying on his stomach on the carpeted floor of the Kaspbrak bedroom. They’d usually be reading comics or some shit and Richie would notice the way Eddie’s lips moved even though he wasn’t reading out-loud. There’d be a wave of butterflies before an awful feeling of embarrassment would take over. He’d always feel ashamed and gross whenever Eddie would glance up at him, having been oblivious to his internal dilemma. So he’d shove it down and never talk about it. 

Which he’d done. 100% successfully too...though there had been a couple hiccups. A few traumatizing insults were thrown. But he’d managed to keep it to himself and away from his friends. Nobody questioned the Bruce Springsteen poster he remembered adding to his bedroom shortly after the summer. He just loved music and good ol’ Springsteen....The Boss was an American symbol...and a better one than Goddamn apple pie. 

Richie gagged a little and sat up once more, curling his hands tighter around the wheel. 

He’d really expected nothing to come of these memories because they were stupid and childish. And shit he didn’t even remember until he got into town. 

But then he strolled into that restaurant and his eyes found him immediately. Eddie Kaspbrak. All he had to do was look at him and despite having a good ass excuse...Richie had been wondering just how he managed without him. Any defense he had against this (which was none because he really assumed that it wasn’t a big deal) failed. In an instant, he was wrapped around Eddie’s finger once more. 

After all these fucking years Richie was still crazy about him. Absolutely gone on him. Which was just...another wonderful thing to add to the list of shitty things going on. 

He wasn’t sure what he was planning on doing, sitting in his car in the middle of the night with his bags still packed. But there was an obvious option that was teasing him. ‘Just drive away. Find a nice Rock station and drive off.’ 

But he couldn’t actually bring himself to do it. But he had shifted it to drive a few times only to go right back into park before he could actually move. He was starting to hate himself. 

At some point he was going to have to make a decision or sleep in his car. He stared at the stars hanging above his view and felt that sense of insignificance. Usually that would be a daunting feeling but tonight...it was kind of comforting. Because hell, his life was such a small dot in the universe. For the first split second since returning to Derry, Richie didn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. Nothing fucking mattered. 

But he could die tomorrow. Richie sighed for the millionth time and clasped his hand around the door handle. There was tonight but...after that? Who knew. Man, he wouldn’t be surprised if Pennywise danced on over to the outside of his car. Waiting to corner him. 

His stomach dropped. ‘Shit, if he died...’ Richie audibly hiccuped because ‘What a miserable last few years.’ Barely a day back ‘home’, surrounded by strangers who were really his best friends...and he was already dreading the fucking loneliness waiting for him if he made it out alive. ‘Which was the scarier option here, huh?’

Eddie’s face popped back into his mind and now was not the time to get himself worked up....not in that way. Richie shook his head and immediately thought about the ol’ dirty magazine that he used to have under his childhood bed just to get rid of that kind of thought. Which....was so strange. That was a defense mechanism so familiar to his younger years in Derry. Man, he hadn’t thought about the women in those pages in years. Yet the idea to cover up those dirty thoughts with that particular magazine was purely instinctual in the moment. God, everything was so strange. 

And he was wasting gas. Richie sighed, turning his key and admitting to himself that as scared as he was right now, he could not pull the trigger and leave. But he was sort of hoping that he could work up the courage later on. The radio cut off in the middle of a good song and he hurled himself out of the vehicle. He tried to bury his previous idea of a threat waiting for him outside and quickly took the bag from out the back window and trudged back to the Townhouse. 

There was no way in Hell that he was gonna get any sleep unless he unloaded the pile of shit that were the thoughts swimming in his head. His eyes fell upon Bill’s room, he remembered him being an excellent shoulder to cry on. Sturdy...and broad now. 

Richie swallowed and set his beg against the wall, taking a few steps towards Bill’s door before realizing that he really didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of him. Another oddly familiar feeling. 

He backed off and turned around. He ignored the brief but present way his mind flashed with ‘Stanley’ as an option because it hurt and unless he could contact his fucking ghost...he was outta luck. 

As he turned back, unsure of where he was really going, he spotted Eddie’s door and halted. It felt like he got punched in the gut or something just from seeing the number on the door. He hated himself sometimes. 

He really wanted to see Eddie right now. He stepped forward with purpose only to freeze once again because-‘What the Hell do I think I’m doing?’.

He had worked himself up into such a state that he was sort of afraid of what might pour out of his mouth just from locking eyes with Eddie. ‘But maybe that was a good thing.’ Richie stepped forward again. Maybe he could just allow all his built-up feelings to escape him and be done with it before it was too late. 

‘But that would mean actually admitting to shit’ Richie moved back once more and curled his hands, pressing his nails into his palms with frustration. He felt like an idiot but damn, he was now aching to talk to Eddie...even just to make fun of each other. Something, anything. 

He raised his first up to knock. He was just planning on maybe unloading his nerves and nothing more because he couldn’t handle looking like an idiot. He barely noticed that he was mumbling a very poor Stevie Wonder impression he’d been working on to himself . ‘I just knocked... to say I love you.’ His voice was soft and sing-songy-

The door opened before Richie had the chance to make contact and it wasn’t gentle either. The heavy door swung open and shocked both men enough for each of them to leap backwards. 

“Fuck! Don’t ya know how to knock?” Richie smacked his hand to his chest and sighed. 

Eddie’s brow quirked with a touch of confusion and amusement. “You’re in the hallway, Rich.” 

The taller man stood up straighter and looked around like he’d forgotten his surroundings. Pale yellow wallpaper with freckles of brown designs were swallowing them whole. ‘Yup that’s the hall’ Richie shoved his glasses back up the slope of his nose and nodded. “Oh yeah.” 

Eddie had the audacity to do one of those closed-mouth chuckles and lean on the door-frame. 

‘I could die tomorrow...’ Richie swallowed. 

“Did...-did you want something?” Eddie asked, glancing around his room with that cautious eye. Before Richie could answer, Eddie’s eyes landed on something Richie assumed was gross just by his facial expression. “Man, This place could stand to be deep cleaned.” 

Richie opened his mouth.

“Seriously. A lot of disgusting people have been in here before me.” His nose twitched which was something he often did. It inflicted Richie with that same warm sense of comfort he’d had when they were all at the restaurant. 

“That’s funny. I said that same thing to your mother-”

“Ha ha. You seekin’ me out to make these jokes now, asshole? I can see if we’re all hanging out but to come to my door-” 

Richie shoved his hands into his pockets and raised his brow with amusement while Eddie worked himself up. “No, Eds. That’s obviously not why I’m here.” He chuckled and stood awkwardly at the door while Eddie shuffled about his room. ‘How else was he supposed to let out all his pent up rage and anxiety?’ Richie tilted his chin down and rolled his lips together to keep from grinning because ‘Fuck. Even now...Eddie just gets to me.’

“Why did you come here, exactly?” He held kicked one of the blankets off his bed and sighed. He blinked at the thing like it depressed him before he quirked his head to glance at his friend. “And why are you just standing there? It’s creepy. You used to invite yourself into my room all the time, what’s the problem now-?” 

They both paused and when Richie moved to just change the topic with a joke or something, Eddie snapped his fingers. “Yeah...you did do that. I remember.” He smiled, the kind of smile that was riddled with nostalgia and joy. 

He just looked so damn proud of himself for remember it. Richie slowly strolled inside and hoped the giddiness wasn’t showing on his face. “Yeah. Getting to the second floor window was not an easy feat for a gangly kid like me, you know?” He rubbed a curled finger under his nose and unearthed a shy sorta giggle that hadn’t been used in years. He intended to add more to the story but found himself choking on the words when Eddie curled onto his bed, legs in the criss-cross position while his hands clasped in his lap. He looked up at Richie with such a genuinely relieved look. A look that said that if Richie went on, Eddie would be happily lifted from the horrors of their lives events. Just for this impermanent moment. It was something he would’ve killed for as a kid, to know that he was actually providing enjoyable entertainment. But right now it was suddenly too much responsibility for him so Richie clamped his mouth shut. 

Eddie paused for a minute, as if giving Richie a chance to go on if he wanted to and the want for him to continue was clear in Eddie’s eyes...but Richie remained shockingly silent. “So, did you want something?” 

Richie swung his hands back and forth a few times before awkwardly slapping them together and clasping them over his chest. “Yeah, sorry to bother you so late...I just...” He took a deep breath and forced himself to chill out and take a seat on the chair nearby. 

Eddie scooted to the edge of his bed looking a little concerned which was only furthering Richie’s embarrassment. 

“Where were you going, by the way?” Richie stuck his thumb out to point at the door where they’d first scared each other to death just a few moments ago. “I know you have a weak bladder so if it was the bathroom, this conversation can wait-” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Of course you remember that about me.” He scoffed and shuffled on the bed. “No asshole. I was just...” He waved his hand around and Richie began to think that maybe he knew what Eddie was gonna do. 

“You were gonna leave too, huh? You put your-what like ten bags?-in your car earlier? You were gonna get outta dodge, huh?” Richie was teasing but he knew as soon as it came out of his mouth that Eddie was offended. 

“No. I wasn’t leaving. I was just gonna go for a walk.” 

“Alone? In the middle of the night? I don’t know, Eds. Doesn’t sound like you-” 

“I just needed to clear my head...and honestly, I’ll start overthinking all this shit if I’m not constantly moving at the speed of light.” Eddie chuckled but he meant it. The man had never been good at settling himself down. He crossed his arms and sighed. “Anyway, you still haven’t told me why you’re here...?” 

The air in the room grew thinner, at least to Richie who was trying very hard not to appear so nervous. He sucked in his breath and leaned his forearms onto his thighs. “I haven’t really decided on a reason for showing up yet-...” He glanced up at Eddie’s watchful stare and that same damn thought came up. ‘I could die tomorrow.’ 

There was so much Richie wanted to say but he barely comprehended it all himself. “How’s your life been?” 

The question seemed to throw his friend completely off his rhythm. Eddie sat up straighter and thought about it for a few seconds. “I mean...-it’s been successful-” 

“Are you happy?” Richie blurted before realizing how invasive he must’ve sounded. He scooted back and fixed his own posture. “Sorry. I’m not so great at...asking appropriate questions. I’m sure you remember that.” He laughed, swiping a finger under his nose again. Eddie opened his mouth but Richie had stopped looking at him. 

“I only ask because...I don’t...I don’t think I’ve been very happy.” He was still laughing but it was edging close to self-deprecating. “I didn’t even really notice that until I got here. In Derry. The most miserable town that I’ve ever seen. Isn’t that fucking funny?” 

Eddie cocked his head to the side. “Rich-?”

“Being with you guys again has been just about the most genuinely happy that I’ve been in years. Paired right up with the most scared I’ve ever been but...I digress.” He sighed and finally looked up at Eddie again. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow but I’m trying to decide if it’s worse to die or to have to go back to...an empty life, y’know?” 

“Don’t say that Rich-”

“It’s true.” He shrugged. “But it’s stupid-...it’s fine. I didn’t mean to come dump this all on you.” He slapped his knees with a tiny grin and stood. He planned on leaving before he could make an even bigger fool of himself but Eddie had crawled to the other end of the bed with his good ol’ lightening speed and grabbed his arm with a startling amount of strength. 

“It’s fine. Richie...we’re all freaking out here.” He tugged his arm in a genuinely concerned way that nearly broke Richie’s heart then and there. “I’d like to talk some more, if that’s ok? This is a lot.” 

Ahhh that was a trick Richie remembered too well. He wasn’t a person who liked to talk about himself and he never was. But if Eddie ever detected a problem, he used to like to pretend to turn the conversation around because actually he wanted to talk. But it was just a way to allow Richie to feel like it was ok to open up because it wasn’t really all about him. ‘No-seriously, I want to talk about it Richie’. Eddie used to say. 

But damn, he was gonna fall for it again. “Ok, Kaspbrak.” He shrugged and shoved Eddie over to take up half the bed. He most definitely ignored the man’s triumphant grin. He picked at a loose thread on his shirt.

Eddie tilted his head back, chin pointed to the sky but when he did one of those breathy sighs, it slowly fell forward again. And then he turned to look at his friend. Richie felt some alarms going off in his head. It was strangely too intimate. “I’m married, have a good job, I’m successful...” He trailed off “But...there’s something strangely unsatisfying about it all. Like you said...it didn’t completely stand out to me until I got here.” 

Richie bit his lip. “Any idea why?”

“Well, Mike did say the longer we stay-” 

“No, no...I mean...why it’s not satisfying?” Richie hoped to anything that would listen that he didn’t sound annoying again. 

Eddie thought that over. “I don’t really know.” 

Richie felt a flutter of disappointment that he couldn’t quite place. 

“Myra...she’s just like my mom, y’know?” He scratched under his chin and gave a bitter laugh. “I can really pick em’, huh?” He bumped their arms together. 

“Jesus, Eds. You got some pointy frickin’ elbows.” the little insults would honestly never stop but Eddie didn’t seem to mind much. He just dug his elbow in harder. 

“Would you stop calling me that?” 

“Oh, you love it Eds.” He pushed Eddie’s elbow away again and held back a chuckle as he pushed his glasses up. 

“You ever think about contacts?” Eddie’s voice was suddenly soft and curious. It oddly felt somewhat like a sleepover. Not that Richie thought he could stay-no! Just...that same sort of hushed energy was there between them as they sat on the bed together. He hummed. 

“Why ya askin’? Think it’s a bad look?” He laughed but there was a strange insecure tone bleeding into it. 

“No...” He shrugged and turned away for a few seconds and Richie was highly aware he wanted the attention back. 

“I had a guy once...I was on the bus, right? And this dude-took my fucking glasses off and stepped on em’” He waved his arm and made sure to leave enough of the story desired. Eddie’s eyebrows crinkled when their faces met again. 

“What did you do to him?” 

Richie rolled his eyes. “He’d been playing the saxophone. So I started to do that thing where you...pretend to play?” He moved his hands up to his mouth and made a sound that more closely represented a trumpet. “I think you used to whistle like that? With your hands up...” He did it again but whistled this time. Eddie grinned. “Anyway, not important to the story.” He shoved his hands back down. 

“So he got pretty upset-”

“Understandably so.” Eddie felt the need to add with a cheeky little grin and Richie clicked his tongue. 

“Yeah. And so he just sets the instrument down and thunders over. He literally just reaches out and...” Richie took off his glasses and illustrated his point. “No hesitation but he goes right back to playing. And he’s like-staring me down-not blinking- the rest of the time he’s playing right? Only I can’t fucking see it cause he’s halfway down the bus and my glasses are shattered. But the dude on my right is describing it to me.”

Eddie is full on laughing and Richie is in minutes bliss. “Sounds like a weird guy.” 

“Yeah. But I like that kinda stuff. Make for good bits...” He sighed. “I mean, for a person who maybe writes their own material.” He added with a bitter tone. 

“Why don’t you...? Write your own stuff, I mean?” Eddie rubbed his finger against the side of his nose. His voice got that sleepover tone again. 

“Ehhhh well.” Richie shrugged, not sure how to answer him. "That’s show business for you baby.” He did some kinda funky old man voice but bled it back into his own “Nah, I mean...just kinda got told one day that I was more of a class clown then a stand-up comic. So if I ever wanted to be a name then I’d better switch it out.” 

He pretended that he wasn’t bothered and he figured maybe Eddie won’t notice. Hell, it’d been a long time and they barely remembered each other but he knew. 

“Maybe when this is all over, you can remedy that. Don’t let it get to your head but you always made me laugh.” He poked his arm gently. “I bet it helps you fix some of that emptiness you mentioned.” He was putting on that gentle tone like he was a bit hesitant to bring that up again. 

Richie’s stomach dropped a tiny bit. “Maybe some of it.” He wanted to say ‘Life doesn’t work that way, Eds. I can’t just pull that off’ but he just rolled his lips together. 

"What else do you think is causing it?” 

Richie scoffed. “Doctor K is a therapist now, huh?” He bumped their arms together again but his friend only rolled his eyes. 

“Shut-up asshole. I’m just trying to help.” He bit back but softened down again almost immediately. “It’s a concerning thing to hear from someone you care about, is all.” His shoulders shrugged and dragged against the wall. 

“Eddie we didn’t even remember each other yesterday.” 

“That’s not fair and you know it.” Eddie scowled.

“Yeah, sorry.” Richie sighed, his shoulders gradually coming down for a moment’s relaxation. The room went silent again and he found his eyes tracing the furniture and objects thrown about the place. Eddie’s jacket was neatly caressing the top of the desk chair but his two of his suitcases were chaotically opened and laying on the floor. “Man, twenty-seven years. Where’d the time go?” Richie mumbled, mostly to himself. It was the strangest thing...to feel like time had passed them too quickly yet not truly being able to recall much of those old fuzzy memories which seemed so far gone. 

“I don’t know.” Eddie glanced at him again. 

Richie felt a mixture of feelings but mostly....‘To quote Paul Simon, Still crazy after all these years...'

“How much do you remember, Eds?” He heard himself ask. That pitiful sense of curiosity rose inside of him again. 

Eddie stopped fiddling with his hands and paused for thought, his face twisting a little bit. “Right now?...Mostly just feelings. More so than specific memories, you know?” He shrugged, spinning his thumbs around each other. 

Richie swallowed. “Yeah-yeah, me too.” He was searching for more of Eddie’s answer before the man could even speak again. He watched the way his eyes fell down to his hands whenever he got nervous. “Being scared shitless is the big one at the moment, I’m guessing?”

Eddie nodded but didn’t look to please about it. 

“Anything else?” Richie hoped he didn’t sound desperate but there was something he wanted to have an answer for. 

“Love...for you guys?” Eddie added, looking like it was maybe embarrassing him a little bit to be saying it out-loud. Richie really didn’t want to look like an asshole by asking for something more specifically about him. So maybe it was best to just let it go and move on back to his room to get a good power nap in before they went and did whatever the hell Mike was trying to explain. 

‘But I could fucking die tomorrow.’ That was his mantra, wasn’t it? “Eddie. I got to tell ya something, man.” 

Eddie shuffled a bit closer, bringing up his knee and smiling softly. “I’m assuming it’s the reason you came here?” 

Richie nodded and took a deep breath. He could tell it was unsettling his friend a bit to see him so serious. “I just wanna say all...-all the shit that’s on my mind so please don’t interrupt-” 

“I won’t.” 

Richie raised a brow, a tiny smirk on his face despite his overwhelming nerves. 

“Oops, sorry. Not anymore, promise.” Eddie held his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Ok.” Richie smoothed the palms of his hands down his jeans and tried to work up enough courage to go on. “Listen...Mike was saying that the longer we stay, the more we remember, right?-” Richie couldn’t help but tease Eddie a bit by pausing. 

Just as he suspected, Eddie had some sort of internal struggle of wanting to respond but remembering that Richie asked him not to interrupt. 

But when he realized Richie was just messing with him, he rolled his eyes. “Keep going, asshole.”

He chuckled and reached out to playfully pinch his arm. “Anyway, part of the reason that I’m being such a downer right now is that yeah I’ve realized how fucking lonely it is back home but I’m also sorta remembering why that might be.” 

He stopped again because to be completely honest, he wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to continue this. 

“You and me. Do you remember what we were like?”

Eddie rolled his lips together and smirked. It made Richie’s heart flutter just from the sight of it. “Yeah. We were annoying.” There was a great sense of fondness in his tone. “All the bickering and shit. You loved to torture me, don’t think I forgot that.” Eddie giggled. An actual real giggle that Richie couldn’t believe. 

He opened his mouth, expecting this to be hard. He expected that he’d have to choke the words up but when face with Eddie’s sincere joy...it wasn’t that bad. “Yeah, Eds. I really fucking liked you.” 

Eddie stopped suddenly, his body stiffening and Richie tried not to take it personally. “What do you mean?” 

“Look...I know it’s the middle of the Goddamn night and you probably want to go back to sleep but...” Richie moved his eyes to the ceiling because he’d sure look like an idiot if there were tears. “This is all so overwhelming. I couldn’t have even recognized your name yesterday and now...” He gestured to the man with his open palm before letting it fall back into his lap. 

He pushed his glasses up his nose and chuckled bitterly. “I had the biggest crush on you, Eddie.” He waved his hands because this was starting to become more funny to him. Eddie staring at him with blank confusion, his bubbling nerves and the fact that a murder clown was responsible for so much pain in his life. “It’s all coming back to me the more I look at ya...Man, that’s rich, isn’t it?” 

Eddie’s face was the picture of complete confusion. “You had a crush on...me?”

Richie nodded. “Yeah! Oh man, I used to...like....you know...” He paused, wiggling his fingers in the air as if trying to scramble together a memory. He snapped his fingers. “Listen to Springsteen or some shit alone in my room and think about you and me runnin’ from Derry together and being...I dunno like a couple? It’s lame and a little too ‘Jack & Diane’ for my taste now but I did that. Can you believe it?” He thought about that perfect symbol of an American teen couple from Mellencamp’s famous tune and a flash of some strapping statue came to his mind. He thought it might be that of the ol’ legendary Paul Bunyon fella in town. A deep and awful feeling of fear overtook him for a second but he couldn’t quite remember why.

He clicked his tongue with a laugh, feeling heat in his cheeks like some silly kid. “I’d do all that but then I’d see you and...tell you I fucked your mom and tease you because I was a little shit.” 

Eddie was quiet...very quiet for a few seconds. “I didn’t know that you were-” 

“Yeah. That’d be because I didn’t want anyone to know.” Richie cut him off and regretted a bit of the bitterness tone. “It was a secret.” He rubbed his forehead. “I was just...since I can’t remember it all, I wondered if...” He stopped because he was far too embarrassed to continue. 

“Oh.” Eddie grabbed his own ankle and softly gasped. 

“I’m sorry, Eds. I’m just gonna...” He stuck his thumb over his shoulder and pointed to the door before hoping off the bed. He barely made it an inch before his arm was snagged and he was pulled back with that same strength. He fell back onto the bed.

“No, Rich. Don’t leave. We gotta talk. You can’t just walk out after that.” 

Richie felt his throat close a little at the idea of Eddie letting him down easy. He’d really rather just walk out and pretend this didn’t even happen. “I don’t have anything else to say. That was...it. And it was way too much.” He shook his head and scooted backwards when Eddie shuffled over. 

He immediately wanted to defend himself. “It’s just that we could all very well end up dead tomorrow and I just had to let this out before...everything goes down. I don’t want to die with all this shit still built up, you know? I just needed to know if it was just me which it clearly was. So I’m good now-” He tried to smile but Eddie was obviously not going to buy that. 

“Richie, I’m gonna talk now, ok?” He teased but it was obvious that he was worried he might not be able to get a word in. So, Richie shut it. 

But things went quiet again as Eddie played with the loose blanket threads between their fingers. “Eds, you gonna start or-?” 

He expected the man to slap him playfully again or just straight up tell him to shut his mouth but instead, Eddie just glanced up and sighed so delicately amused and fond. He grinned and moved his hand from the blanket to flick Richie’s hand. “I can’t remember if I ever thought about...us like that, you know?” Eddie tilted his head and moved his eyes to their hands. He continued to lightly tap Richie’s skin as he spoke. “But I can’t for sure say that I never did. There’s something so familiar about...” He gestured to the space between them. He had that unsure look on his face and Richie nodded a few times.

“Yeah, that’s-...It’s what I’m feeling too.” He felt himself smile, it was hopelessly admiring. Eddie opened and closed his mouth a few times before pulling his hand back so he could nervously play with his thumbs like before. “What’s the matter? Is it too much? Should I go?” 

Eddie bit the inside of his cheek. “No, it’s just-” He shook his head and leaned back on the wall. His palm moved to rub against his neck, another nervous tick. “I wanted to maybe try something but I don’t want to end up...leading you on or something.” 

Richie almost let out one of those breathy little sighs of complete yearning but was able to stop himself. “I wouldn’t mind.” He blurted but Eddie just crossed his arms.

“You’d think that but-” 

“I gotta know, Eds. For sure. If this helps you...come to a conclusion then by all means, go for it.” 

“You sure about that?” 

He nodded because he’d do anything that Eddie wanted. Richie geared himself up for Eddie to decided against and he’d take that because it was probably the right thing to do. 

But Eddie shuffled closer, knees planted firmly on the bed so he could lift himself just slightly above Richie. The other man was so deliriously happy about it that he could hardly move. Eddie tilted Richie’s chin up with one finger and brought their lips together. It was soft and a little unsure of itself in the beginning but then that one finger under his chin turned into Eddie’s whole hands caressing the sides of his face with one very pleasing slow glide motion against his stubble. 

Richie wasn’t sure how long it lasted but he had to stop himself from chasing it when Eddie pulled back and fell back onto the bed. 

“Wow.” was all the man could say and Richie had to agree with that sentiment. Eddie leaned back on the wall and shook his head. “That’s what that shit is supposed to feel like...ok.” He was speaking to himself, in that speedy little voice of his and Richie felt a tug in his chest. “I don’t think-...I mean...I never thought about that. With Myra it’s, well nothing like that.” 

“Are you ok over there, man?” Richie chuckled but he was still rather dizzy and giddy. ‘It was stupid.’

Eddie looked back at Richie like he’d nearly forgotten he was there. He reached over to his nightstand, opened his drawer and pulled out his inhaler. Richie stopped his urge to roll his eyes when he took a puff. “I have a wife.” 

Richie looked down, eyes a little misty. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.” 

Eddie crawled back over and took his old seat right next to Richie again. “Rich, I’m glad you came tonight.” 

Richie put on an expression that clearly displayed that he didn’t quite believe that. 

“I’m not kidding, asshole. And I’m not just trying to spare your feelings.” His voice was tiny and soft. “I told you before...there’s been something so unsatisfying about my life. I just couldn’t put my finger on it, you know?” 

Richie’s stomach was turning from pure nerves and hopeless excitement. He took Eddie’s hand so quickly that it surprised even himself. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us tomorrow Eds, that shit is terrifying.” He squeezed their grip. “But we have tonight. That’s something, right?” 

Eddie nodded so Richie softly moved his hand to his cheek. “I’ll do anything you want. You want me to leave and I’ll go. You want me to pretend this didn’t happen, I will. A hundred percent, alright?” he stroked the side of his face and Eddie nodded again. “But...I can stay, if you for some reason think that I’m worth it.” 

Eddie didn’t look too pleased with the self-deprecation but he spoke a strong “I want you to stay” and kept his eyes locked on Richie’s. It was enough to elicit an involuntary freakin’ giggle on Richie’s part. 

He was embarrassed for a solid second or two when Eddie laughed but it was remedied when the man ruffled Richie’s hair. “Fuck. I can’t believe I forgot you.” He narrowed his eyes and gave him an appreciative stare which almost made Richie blush. 

He leaned in and they found their way back to gentle kisses and hesitant touching. It was a comforting and warm feeling that neither of them really wanted to let go of. 

“Eddie, man.” Richie backed off for a few seconds. “I know that you probably got plans and all for...dealing with all this clown business. But I was thinkin’, you know for these last few seconds-” He laughed, making fun of how much of an idiot he was going to sound. “How great would it be if we just...” He gestured his hand towards the window and Eddie followed with that puppy-dog expression. “What if we just ran off, the two of us?” 

“You mean just leave...in the middle of the night?” Eddie wiggled a bit from his position on Richie’s lap. 

Richie nodded and closed his eyes when Eddie laid his palms against his neck. “It’s just a thought. I mean, It’s stupid. Horribly stupid. And not a well thought out plan, I know but...” He opened his eyes again and found Eddie’s eyes which were wide and shaky. It broke him a little. “The two of us in one car for several hours...what could go wrong, huh?” He laughed but Eddie only frowned. “I ruined it, didn’t I?” 

“No-no, You didn’t ruin it.” Eddie chuckled, moving his hand up to brush some of Richie’s hair back. 

“I’m such an idiot for even suggesting it. You got a life and-I’m just being really clingy.” Richie tried to shift Eddie off of him but the man wasn’t allowing it. “It’s just that I’m really fucking happy right now and I don’t want that to go away, you know?” 

“I know.” Eddie agreed. “I’d love to just pack my shit and leave. This is all too much to handle and I’m not sure I can face that clown again, Rich-”

“You can. I know you.” Richie blurted and Eddie smiled. “I’d just rather you didn’t-we didn’t.” He shrugged and Eddie pushed up his glasses for him. 

“I’d love to run out in the middle of the night with you on what-? at least a half tank of gas?” 

“Oh, much less. I hate stopping for gas.” Richie chuckled and Eddie licked his lips. 

“But you know, as well as I do, that we gotta stay.” He knitted his fingers together against the back of Richie’s neck and sighed. 

“You’re always right. I remember that too.” Richie scowled and Eddie kissed his forehead. 

“But it’s like you said...we’ve got tonight-”

“The suns gonna be up soon-”

“We can make it last, Rich.” He sounded so sure of himself that Richie had to believe him. 

They fell together once more and sleepily melted into the bed as they explored each other. Richie had been right, the sun would be creeping up very soon and it would be time to move on. But for now, the men were just enjoying their time alone together. 

When they took the time to rest, Richie curled up against the smaller man which might’ve been extremely funny to him if he weren’t so desperate for touch, Eddie spoke up. “What about after the clown business?” He whispered, dragging his fingers down Richie’s arm which was wrapped around his waist. 

Richie picked up his head from where it had been resting on his chest. “What about it?” 

“You and me...? I mean, what if we...” Eddie paused. 

“I’d be willing, if you were.” Richie didn’t want to answer as fast as he did but ‘man oh man’ he was just about dying to scream a loud ‘yes’. 

“It’s risky...and I’d know.” Eddie laughed at his own little joke before pursing his lips. “Can I give you an answer after all the scary shit is through?” 

Richie chuckled and nodded against Eddie’s chest. “Yeah. ‘Course you can.” 

They laid together in comfortable silence for what felt like a long time. Occasionally, Eddie would run his hands through Richie’s hair and drag his fingers up and down his arm. When Richie hesitantly snuggled closer, Eddie dropped his hand to smoothly remove his glasses for him. “Don’t wanna risk breaking them again, huh?” 

Richie was blissfully drifting to sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------

The night had ended and tomorrow came, bring with it some of the worst trauma Richie could imagine. And he never did get an answer from Eddie before...

Richie desperately tried to remember the good times while he re-carved their initials on the bridge. But he bitterly kept thinking about how Eddie never even knew that he did this. He’d been right before. They did have that night. And that night only. 

He finished his work on the ‘E’ and admired it for a few seconds. 

He’d remember that night for the rest of his life. Not only had he been given the chance to lay with the one he loved but...he didn’t feel fucking ashamed about it. And maybe one day, if it wasn’t too painful, he could stop longing for love lost...and find it within his heart to search for it again.


End file.
